Sunday, 12 August 2012

Top Ten Tips for Luuuurrrve (as promised)

As promised here's my top ten dating tips (which I'm definitely going to start totally following!)

1. Love whatcha got, make the most of what you love about yourself and remember how fabulous you are. You are a gorgeous being and when you start believing it, those around you will too, including potential squeezes. Remember you are lovely and lovable and if they don't see it, they're obviously simply not the one. My best relationship was based on the fact that we were each other’s biggest fans (and the belief that farting is HILARIOUS). Settle for this and nothing less

2. Read a good dating book. Like it or not, as much as woman have managed to secure all kinds of freedoms and equalities, successful dating remains pretty traditional and these books explain why.

3. There are some unpalatable home truths you’ll read in relationship books and you’ll want to disagree with some of them because you know someone or you yourself found love despite their advice. i.e. you know a women who stayed in, hounded a guy on-line, who had 12 kids but found time to came round to her house and make love to her on the first date and now their happily married. Great, but remember, she’s an exception (and a weird one at that). Following advice or dating tips you trust (you know, like mine) mean you won’t waste your time or the guys time and you’ll get the amazing relationship you deserve

4. If you want a long term relationship, don’t be slutty. No sleeping with him on the first date. The idea that sleeping with a guy on the first date leads to long term love, is Hollywood’s greatest lie, followed closely by The good guy’s gun never runs out of bullets. Nine times out of ten you wake up wanting to chew your own arm off to get away. In fact that’s what the film 127 Hours should have been about, waking up next to an undesirable then cutting your own arm off with a blunt pen knife to escape.

5. Don’t ignore the signs. If he’s being crappy about meeting up, taking you on proper dates, takes ages to call or text back - heed the warning signs. People are on their best behaviour at the beginning and if his best isn’t good enough, get rid. If a guy likes you, he’ll call. Stop making excuses for them. Men know how to use the phone. They invented it for Christ’s sake.

6. Crushes NEVER work out. What your subconscious mind is saying is, I’m not good enough for him so I’ll just dream and fantasise about him instead. It also means despite all the signs and hint you’ve dropped like bar bells on a biscuit tin, he’s ignored them. Why? Because he ain't interested!

7. Get out there - either with girlfriends or on your own. Get creative about what you do and you’ll meet a broader range of guys. Ever been to a football match? Give it a go and if your type is shouty, fat, bald men with a penchant for yelling with their mouths full, then all your Christmases will come at once.

8. If you must use internet dating, let me save you some time. Don’t bother writing a saccharine biog, telling the guy your favourite films, top 5 albums and interests (Which, let me guess, include nights in snuggling on the sofa as well as nights out?). No one reads them. Just post a decent, recent photo and a titbit of info and if a guy is interest, he’ll contact you. And under no circumstances resort to poetry. You do this and I will hunt you down.

9. Don’t lower your standards but be willing to adapt and compromise. If you meet a guy who’s amazing but is a little shorter than your preference for example, it may be worth still having one date with him. This kind of small (poor choice of word) compromise may reveal a wonderful, happy surprise. And anyway, one date’s not going to kill you... unless it’s with Charles Manson. OK, Tip 9a. Don’t date convicted mass murderers.

10. Live your life. Be You. You are lovely and living your life has made you into the person that guy is going to want to ask out. Why would you compromise that?
Contrary to the sign language lesson in Jerry McGuire, a relationship will not complete you because you are already whole so have fun, get on with being you with your interests, hobbies, love of shopping, dislike of Sunday drivers, car boot sale fanaticism, weekly cinema trips, annual ice skating and whatever else it is you do.

Love long xx

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