Sunday, 20 January 2013

Importance of being a Queen

So before, I spoke about men being either kings, princes or dukes when it comes to the dating and relationships game. Now it’s time to have a look at women. I propose, (sounds grand, doesn’t it?) that women fall into three categories too, Infantas, princesses and queens. This is going to be trickier for me to define seeing as I’ve never been out with a woman. However based on how mental I’ve been in relationships and the ranting from my male friends about their partners, I think I can make some reasonable accurate assumptions.

Let’s start in ascending order of sanity – the Infanta. I reckon everyone woman has been an infanta at some time in her life, the crazy girl, the one guys tell their buddies about. The first and most significant crime of the infanta is sex on a first date. There is no surer way to identify your infanta days than recall all the times you’ve dragged a fellow back to your lair the first night you met.

The infanta may have the intention of things working out with the guy but wrongly assumes giving up the good stuff on the first night is the way to secure that. It won’t in fact it has the opposite effect. I know women want to feel empowered and sexually liberated and, of course, should sleep with whoever they want and when but my point is, first date sex leads to the guy losing interest almost immediately after.

My friend Paul summed it up perfectly. In trying to counter my argument he said ‘I disagree. I slept with my ex-wife on our first date”. Yes, I stand corrected.

Other crimes of the infanta, falling in love on or even before the first date, double texting or emailing (i.e. sending two or more messages before you’ve heard back from your date), making excuses for a guy’s poor behaviour “Maybe he joined an Amish community who are denying him all access to social media and that’s why he hasn’t facebooked me back yet” Yes, that’ll be why.

We all go through infanta phases  but hopefully, as we learn to set boundaries, learn what doesn’t work when it comes to relationships and cobble together some self-esteem we leave this behaviour behind. If however, you’re still exhibiting infanta traits well into their thirties and forties there may be no hope. Either that, or a life as a reality TV star awaits.

Infantas – Katie Price, Kerry Katona, (Bald) Brittney Spears, Lindsay Lohan

The princess

Like the princes, the princess category is a broad middle ground. Princesses have two subgroups, those who want a relationship and those who don’t hold it as a high priority. The latter tend to be those who have ambitions which settling down may interfere with. These may be strong, free spirited independent woman who are not quite ready to be tethered down by a him-in-doors. Some in this group may even have a fear of commitment and like a love butterfly they flit from brief encounter to brief encounter.

The other half of the subgroup are those who are looking to the future and lining a nest. The problem for the princess is not acquiring the guy but valuing herself high enough to ensure the relationship delivers what she wants.

Princess are often lovely women but all too often give more than they get and make big compromises thinking this is the way to be in a relationship. Not so.

Princesses are often the ones that will drive a relationship forward. Facebook is a place to spot a princess. Does she have a picture of the two of them as her profile picture while he has a movie still of Bruce Lee. Was she the first to add him as a friend and is she the one who keeps you abreast of their changing relationship status. Princesses urgently want their man to be ‘the one’ and so often forgive sometimes a catalogue of incompatibilities.

Princesses may be willing to compromise aspects of her own life because of the man she’s chosen to be with. While compromise is of course, part and parcel of a relationship, one should always be aware of whether the sacrifice is equal on both parts and that if there is inequity that you are comfortable with that AND importantly, that it’s appreciated.

Like the prince, the princesses plight when it comes to finding long lasting love, is often, close but no cigar. However, if the princess can learn what she needs to from her (hopefully) early experiences in love, she may be able to step up to that hallowed ground of “Queen”

Princesses – Cameron Diaz, Mel B, Jennifer Anniston, Selina Gomez, Rihanna (just).

The queen.

Decorum, class, style and calm. It’s not to say these women are perfect but in the realm of relationships, she leaves the princess standing and the infanta on her back for the Queen NEVER sleeps with a guy on the first date because she absolutely know the value of the ‘good stuff’. (The ‘good stuff’ is a good euphemism right?).

She knows what she wants from her man and her relationship. She is in change. Even if her man is the most powerful man in the western world, she has a stature and grace which makes her great in her own right (and I do believe it is possible from behind as well as in front, by the way).

If you are currently languishing in infanta-land it is not too late. We can all ascend from a “colourful” past to the throne of the queen and as you grown as individual, it will become a crown you natural choose to where, if that’s what you want.

Whilst it’s easy to lament that I’ve had more than my fair share of princes and dukes, it’s probably because I was being a princess and on several occasions, an utter infanta and so we brought out the worst traits on both sides but now, as I (hopefully) come to the end of my princess hood (hmm. That sounds like a Jewish mother euphemism for her daughter’s hymen), the only thing that could distract me now, from dedicated me energy to my family, friends and career is the most amazing king. Until then, I continue to simply love what I’ve got.

Queens – Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, Victoria Beckham, Michelle Obama, Samantha Cameron.

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